My Dear Supervillain

“It's still kidnap.”

“Stop bitching and eat your cotton candy,” Ron groaned. “I swear, I brought you here to have fun! I even paid your ransom price of two admission tickets!” Leo glowered sourly. “Fine. Have it your way. You can slave away at Gwendy's while I pet Venusian fargalumps and buy overpriced carnival junk. And I'll be taking that back!” She reached for Leo's cotton candy. He clutched it protectively. “See? You DO want this.”

“It still counts as kidnap,” Leo pointed out as he surveyed a giant blow-up robot in the neighboring stand. “Hey, a shooting game! Hold my stuff.” Ron smiled broadly as Leo forked over his precious tickets.

“So, what happened to fairs being a nasty waste of time and money?” Ron giggled. Leo took the laser pistol and aimed for the balloons on the wall.

“Fairs put me in the mood to shoot things,” Leo informed her.

“I thought you—”

BANG-BANG-BANG-BANG-BANG. BANG-BANG-BANG-BANG-BANG.

Leo set down the gun and smiled at the guy running the booth. “I believe you owe me a blow-up robot.”

“Can you hold this too?”

“I've only got two arms, Leo!”

“How can I win at frog fishing with my hands full?”

“How can we even carry this stuff home?!” Ron was totally overloaded with prizes. Leo's prowess at the games was remarkable, and she was glad to see him finally enjoying himself, but she wobbled under the weight of all the toys he'd won.

“Just one more,” Leo insisted. Ron knelt carefully so Leo could add his massive purple gorilla to the pile. “Careful, careful…” Ron shook as she slowly stood. The toys weren't as heavy as Leo's grandma, but hanging onto them was a challenge. “Thanks!” Leo seized his fishing pole and set about his frog-catching.

“Hurry up!” Ron pleaded. “This stuff is really hard to hang onto!”

Leo hung his lure carefully over the holographic frogs that swam through the air. Catching a yellow frog would win him a tiny stuffed frog, green would win him a medium frog, red would win a large one… But the purple frog, a tiny transparent thing, would win him a singing frog robot. Valerie would love one of those. He squinted through the shimmering holographic water, looking for any sign of purple. He had but two minutes to hook a frog…

“Hurry!” Ron snapped.

Was that a flash of purple? Leo moved his hook, only to pull away— it was red. All he could see were a lot of fat yellow frogs, some green, a couple red…

“Dammit!” Something struck Leo in the back! He fell forward with a muffled yelp. The machine buzzed loudly; he'd fouled out by falling into the game area!

“What're you doing, Ronnie?!” Leo whirled around, only to see that he'd been hit by a falling purple gorilla plushy. A very dejected-looking Ron was trying to pick up all the toys she dropped, which were being trodden on by impatient fairgoers. “Er…”

The lady running the game tapped Leo's shoulder and handed him back his two tickets. “You've got enough prizes,” she said bluntly. Leo accepted back his tickets and returned the fishing pole with a sigh.

“Sorry, Ron,” Leo mumbled as he plucked up a dancing robot. Ron shrugged and groped around for the fish Leo won at a throwing game.

Somebody stepped on Ron's hand. “OW!”

“Sorry, dude!” Leo paused. That voice sounded familiar… He glanced up and saw a blue uniform, a shiny belt, and a long nose on a familiar face.

“Officer Simon!” Leo exclaimed. The cop paused and looked back at the duo plucking plushies from the dirt. Leo suddenly realized his mistake. He's not wearing a name tag! How can I explain knowing him without giving away my alter ego?

“Do I know you?” Officer Simon queried. There was an odd glimmer in his eyes, a glimmer that clearly said, I know you. Leo sputtered helplessly, but Ron looked up with interest.

“You're the mighty Officer Simon Chambers? The one who's been shot six times and brought in a couple dozen supervillains?” Leo's jaw fell. Now that's an impressive record! Why haven't I ever heard of this guy? The cop smiled and tipped his hat to Ron. She smiled back. “I almost wanna take a shot at you myself, just to see what happens.”

“Ronnie!” Leo hissed. “You just don't threaten cops! Especially not this one!”

“It's cool, dude,” Simon said brightly. “I'm wearing my underwear of invincibility and socks of agility +300.” It was Ron's turn to gape in shock. Is he for real? Officer Simon grinned obliviously. “Here, I'll help you guys out, since you bothered to notice me. Nobody else does.” He pulled a sandwich from his pocket and tugged it out of the bag, then handed the bag to Ron. “It's a Bag of Holding, or as you might call it, a Santa Clause Sack. It can hold all the toys in the world, so it'll definitely hold your prizes. Now, if you'll excuse me, I've got donuts to eat…” The cop bustled away, leaving two very stunned citizens behind him.

Ron looked at the bag in her hands, looked at the huge toys Leo had won… “He's joking, right? We can't put all these things in a little sandwich bag!” Leo gave the bag a skeptical glare. The dandelions of increased super power control worked, so…

“Give it a try anyway, the toys're getting all grubby.” Ron rolled her eyes and began stuffing the purple gorilla into the little bag. She stopped at the nose.

“That's all that'll fit,” she pointed out.

“So stretch the bag,” Leo said quietly. Nobody was staring or paying attention to them, just stepping around them and trodding on the toys. Ron quirked an eyebrow at Leo.

Ron scoffed and shook her head, letting her silky black hair catch the breeze. “You don't really believe him, do you? Either he was screwing with us, or he's been smoking the things he confiscates.” Still, she tried to stretch the bag and stuff in more of the gorilla. “Or maybe all his fancy stunts have gone to his head? I thought Simon Chambers would be more dignified, more—”

“Ron!”

“What?” She glanced down.

The purple gorilla was bagged. The bag was still tiny, sandwich-sized, but purple fur from the five-foot gorilla plush could be seen inside within. “No way,” Leo whispered. Ron promptly stuffed in two more toys. The bag failed to expand. “Is that even physically possible?”

Ron flipped the bag, inspected it scrutinizingly, then stuck in her fingers. “Feels like a regular bag… Eww, mayonnaise with bread crumbs in it!” She wiped off some of the mayonnaise on her skirt. “Well, if it works, it works. You wanna try for the frog fishing again?” She kept stuffing in toys.

Leo stared. “You're not concerned by this, Ron? This is obviously a superpower. Aren't you scared of people with super powers?”

Ron stuffed in the last toy and put the bag in her pocket. “Why should I be? One in three people had parents or grandparents working for the Super Power Research Center, and about half of those people have minor super powers. They're more common than anybody's willing to admit. I just assume everybody out there is hiding it, the way you hide your tiny willy.” Before Leo even registered the insult, Ron seized his hand and dragged him away from the game area. On to the booths!

“You don't really need firecrackers.”

“I'm sure I'll come up with a good use for em,” Leo laughed as he tossed a pack of firecrackers on the counter. They might come in handy as a diversion for a supervillain like Nightshade…

“Well, I'm moving on,” Ron informed him. There was a place selling jewelry across the path, and most fair booths had minimum security. Maybe they'd have something worth stealing here? Ron tied her hair back and wandered through the crowd, surveying the options. Plastic rings, plastic necklaces, plastic jewels… None of it was worth stealing, let alone wearing! Oh well. Ron made her way back towards Leo.

“SUPER POWERS!”

Ron nearly jumped out of her skin, and so did many of the people around her. Who would yell something like that? “Super power consultations! Find your hidden powers for just 100 credits!” Ron sighed. It was just some guy running a booth down the path. Just a harmless advertisement.

Leo jogged up behind her, arms loaded with firecrackers. “I got some more stuff to stuff in the Santa Clause Sack! I thought you were moving on?”

Ron smiled idly at him and packed away his purchase. “Yeah. Let's go.” On they went.

There was a TV tuned to the news posted above one the stands. Ron watched it as they passed. A reporter gestured to the picture behind him; a spaceship with the pirate flag painted boldly on the side. “—More piracy raids near the Jovian moon Ganymede,” the reporter calmly declared. “Officials believe the pirates are targeting old Super Power Research Center sites, though former employees swear there's nothing there worth stealing. Investigators…” Ron walked out of earshot of the TV and let the news of piracy drift out the other ear.

As they passed the super power consultation booth, a six-eyed man stomped out, dragging a little boy behind him. A shabby woman with wild hair and huge glasses rushed out after them. Her tremendously loose clothes kept trying to fly right off her body.

“It's true, sir, it is!” the woman wailed. “Your son can—”

“I didn't pay you to tell my boy dangerous lies!” the six-eyed man snarled at her. “What if he goes home and lights himself on fire, eh? Who's fault will that be?”

“But I can prove it, you!” the woman insisted. The man walked away, but the shabby lady wouldn't have it. She reached under the table and seized a strange black object…

Ron seized Leo's shoulder. “Isn't that a primitive flamethrower?!”

The lady aimed at the little boy's retreating back and fired. Several people screamed and leaped away as the flames hit their target. The kid wailed as his clothes ignited. His father bellowed like an angry bull, tore off his jacket and attempted to smother the flames. Leo and Ron reacted without thought, both dashing towards the burning child with mercy in mind.

“Wait!” the deranged lady screeched. “Just look at him!” Ron looked and froze. Leo crashed into her.

“Ron—!”

“Look!” Ron commanded. Beyond the crowd and through the flames, the little boy stood still as a statue, staring at his hands; burning, yet unmarred. He was clearly in no pain, though his clothes were falling away to nothing.

“See? See?” the mad woman squawked. “He's invulnerable to fire! He can breathe smoke and fumes without fear! I bet he'll be the perfect fireman when he grows up.” She knelt beside the burning boy. “How d'ya feel, Tammy?”

“I'm okay,” the boy stammered. He turned to his father, who held a singed jacket and and shook from head to toe. “I'm okay, dad! See?” Ron sighed in relief as the flames died away to nothing, leaving an unharmed boy wearing only ash for clothes. His father wrapped him up in the jacket and took him away at top speed, casting horrified looks back at the mad woman.

Leo fell against Ron's shoulder. “Crikey… I though that kid was toast,” he whispered. “If he didn't have those powers…” Ron nodded numbly. “Just what is this booth?”

The guy that was yelling out advertisements for the booth seized the opportunity to do so again. “See that, folks? Our very own Sandra Gohn can identify your hidden powers, no matter what they are! What's your hidden power, sir? Find out for just 100 credits! Get in line, folks, one at a time!”

“How can she tell what people's powers are?” Ron mused as the crowd began to disperse. “And why does she have a flamethrower, of all things?”

Leo seemed rooted to the spot. “If she can see people's powers…”

“What if she can identify passing superheroes and villains?” Ron contemplated. The lady looked around furtively and ushered someone from the forming line into her tent. “If she's for real, I'd say she could be either really useful or really dangerous, depending on what she does with the things she knows…”

Leo shook himself of his shock, opened his mouth, and said something stupid. “Wanna find out?” Ron stared at him with wide eyes. “I mean, you can find out yourself if she's for real. You could do a super power consultation.” Ron felt her blood run cold. Heck no! I can't do something risky like that! “What, are you scared to find out? Didn't you just say that everybody's got powers, that there's nothing to fear about them?”

“Y-yes, well…”

“Chicken,” Leo sneered. “C'mon, I'm curious. I bet your power is something really dull, like making paint dry slower than normal or putting bricks to sleep.” Something in his tone really grated on Ron's nerves. Is that a challenge, you little turd?!

“I'll do it if you do it,” Ron hissed. It was Leo's turn to feel icy dread creeping down his spine, but he knew he'd walked right into this.

“Really? I'll bet I've got a built-in jerk magnet that draws all the angry customers towards me. I don't need some crazy lady with a flamethrower telling me so!”

“And I don't need some comic-worshiping geek telling me I'm chicken!”

“So prove me wrong!”

“Humph! I already know what my power is.” Ron stomped down the path. D'oh! Stupid, Ronnie, stupid! Why'd you go and say a thing like that?! Leo jogged up to her and caught her by the sleeve. There was a strange light in his eyes, the kind that appeared when he was reading comics.

“You've really got powers?” Leo whispered. Ron flinched. Think of a super power, think of a super power! Something you can fake! “Ronnie?”

“Ugh…” Ron groaned. “It's not that special, really…” Think, think! “It's, uh… I can… I can make static on the TV!”

Leo's face fell. “That was a lame lie, Ron.”

Ron sighed. “Yeah, I know. Look, I just don't wanna be stuck in an enclosed space with that psycho and her flamethrower.” Leo rolled his eyes and mouthed the word 'chicken' at her. “Fine! FINE, dammit, I'll do it! But only if you do too!” They wandered into the line for the booth and fished their pockets for 100 credits each.

An elderly woman wandered out of the booth looking absolutely mystified. Before their eyes, her hair changed from gray to golden blond. The people in line 'ooh'ed and 'ahh'ed, and she smiled at them idly. “All this time, I've been wasting money on hair dye,” she mused before strutting away.

Ron's sense of impending doom grew stronger. “Looks like this lady's got the power,” she observed. “Say, what if… What if it turns out I've got some really strong superpower, and I decide to be a supervi— er, superhero? And this lady knows my secret identity?” Behind her, a pale and clammy Leo shrugged and wished desperately that he knew himself.

“Maybe this isn't such a good idea,” he whispered.

“Huh?” Ron gasped. “Oh, that funny bok-bok-bokkaw noise was you, Leo?” The blond shut up. Person after person went into the booth and left it looking as if they'd seen the light. Some were testing newfound powers. As Leo and Ron neared the front of the line, Ron spotted a sign. “Hey, it's totally confidential!”

Leo sighed. “Good. Otherwise, any would-be villains would have to silence her.”

“Oh yeah, totally…” Ron had been hoping she wouldn't have to silence this crazy lady. The line was getting rather short. “Okay, Leo, you go first.”

“Nuh-uh. You first.”

“No, you!”

“You!”

The man who'd been yelling advertisements for the booth tapped Ron's shoulder. “You're up. That'll be one hundred credits.” Glowering at Leo and fighting back her sudden terror-induced nausea, Ron handed her cash to the man and stumbled into the booth.

It seemed much bigger on the inside. It was brightly lit, with nothing inside but a chair and a lady with a flamethrower. She cleaned off her huge glasses and pointed at the chair. “Sit,” the woman barked. Ron fell onto the chair and hoped she wasn't turning green. “Now, let's see what we have here…” Bony hands poked Ron's shoulder. The lady glared into Ron's eyes, walked several laps around her, peered into her ears and nose and mouth…

“So?” Ron asked anxiously.

The lady glowered disdainfully at her. “I'd keep my mouth shut if I was Nightshade, you.” Ron shrank in her skin. “Your powers, they ain't right.”

“Huh?”

“They ain't right, I says! Now shut up and lemme look at you.” The lady seized Ron's chin and rotated her head, eyes flashing all over her face. She leaned close enough to touch noses, glaring into Ron's black eyes. “Shadows ain't your super power, you. It's your vision. Seeing in darkness. Seeing through walls, clothes, people. If a fly lands on the back o' your head, you should be able to see it, you. And your eyes'll glow white when it happens.”

“I, er…” Ron's thoughts were racing. “I can see in the dark when I'm Nightshade, and my eyes glow when the shadows—”

“Those shadows ain't part of you.”

“But…”

“I dunno what they are. Lady, do I look like I know everything? But they're no superpower, and somethin's blockin' your true powers, you. If I was you, I'd think s'more about when an' why you got your second shadow.” She marched to the curtain and lifted it, gesturing Ron towards the exit. “Totally confidential, I says. Now get outta my booth, you. NEXT!”

Ron stumbled out to see Leo's pale face. “Hey, Leo,” Ron squeaked.

“Okay, Ron, what's your—” The man running the booth shoved his register in Leo's face and demanded a hundred credits. Leo handed over his bills and left Ron waiting anxiously outside the booth, wondering and worrying about what the woman said. Of course my shadows are a superpower! What else could they be?

Meanwhile, Leo sat sweating in the booth while the lady circled him like a vulture. “You do this a lot?” Leo babbled. “Have you ever been wrong about somebody's powers?”

“Hush, you!” the woman snapped. The gesture almost knocked off her shawl and glasses. She seized him by the chin and inspected him thoroughly. “Not the ears…”

“It's my complexion, right?” Leo blurted out. “I don't think I've ever had a zit in my life! Is it—” The lady's hand shot out and caught Leo's exposed tongue. “Pheh?”

“Say ahh,” the woman commanded.

Leo shivered. Goosebumps erupted all over his body. She already knows… “Ahh,” Leo whimpered.

The lady dropped Leo's tongue and stomped away. “Think this is funny, you?” Leo shook his head in confusion. “You do! You think it's funny, wasting my time! Why do superheroes and supervillains keep askin' me what their powers are when they already know?” Leo didn't know what to say. “You all got together and made a prank outta it, didn't you? Let's just pester the old lady to tell us what we already know! First Dungman, then Chemistar, then Man o' Wargs, then Princess Sapphire Sakura Sparkle-chan, then Nightshade, and now…”

“Now?” Leo gulped. Dungman, Man o' Wargs, and Nightshade are all here?

“Wailing Wonder! Outta my booth, you. I got nothing to say to the likes of you.” Still sweating, Leo jumped off his seat and ran out of the booth. After taking a moment to slow his breath, Leo spotted Ron's tall form and made a beeline towards her through the crowd.

“How'd it go?” Ron croaked.

“Um… Fine,” Leo lied. “It turns out, I really am a jerk magnet. Angry customers always did go for me.” Ron nodded solemnly. It figured. “And your power is…?”

Ron hesitated for a moment. Surely Leo wouldn't connect super vision with Nightshade! Besides, if you tell the truth, you don't have to remember what you lied about… “It's my vision. Night vision, x-ray vision, seeing a fly land on the back of my head… But she said something was blocking my powers. That's actually got me kinda worried.” Maybe the lady was wrong? It didn't seem likely… “Anyway, what now? More booths? Lunch?”

“Lunch,” Leo said immediately. “Sub sandwiches.”

“I want nutri-crystals,” Ron protested.

“Sandwiches!”

“I'm the kidnapper, remember? Your desires are irrelevant, and we're getting nutri-crystals.” Leo grudgingly followed her to the nutri-crystal stand, where the only thing more atrocious than the line was the price. “Dang. Why don't they ever have strawberry?”

“At least they have vanilla,” Leo shrugged. Ron ordered two vanilla nutri-crystals and handled the payment. Leo leaned against the stand and smiled idly at Ron. “You should kidnap me more often. I haven't had this much fun in a while.”

Ron smiled back. “Just don't do something stupid, like trying to fight crime with your jerk-attracting powers.” She looked over the crowd.

“Me? Fight crime? You're kidding,” Leo laughed nervously. Ron still stared out at the crowd, as if she didn't even hear him. “Er, Ronnie? You there, mate?” He waved a hand in front of her face and got no reaction. “Ron…?” He followed her gaze into the crowd. “Oh, WOW.”

There amongst the strangers was a shirtless man with glistening muscles and luscious hair straight from a shampoo commercial, casting his smoldering gaze at the people around him. Girls swooned at the sight of him, and his mere presence was clearly making all the surrounding men gay.

Ron whirled back to the nutri-crystal vendor. “Change my order. I need three vanilla nutri-crystals!” Leo scurried off towards the handsome stranger. “Hey! I saw him first!” But it was too late; Leo was already at the handsome man's side, batting his eyelashes like a tart.

“Looking for someone?” Leo purred to the man.

The gorgeous stranger tossed his lustrous locks and turned his deep brown eyes to Leo. “I'm looking for the love of my life,” he said quietly, rich Venusian accent making every word sound poetic. Leo was speechless.

Ron bumped past Leo, thrusting her nutri-crystals and ample bosom in the man's face. “Wanna have some lunch while you wait?”

“Bug off, Ronnie!” Leo hissed, knocking her out of the way. “So, about the love of your life…”

At that precise moment, a mountain of dung materialized in the air and fell on top of the handsome Venusian stranger. The once-adoring crowd stepped away, squealing in horror. The Venusian shook himself of the nasty mess, some of which landed in Ron's nutri-crystals. She groaned and dropped the food.

“BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAA!”

“Fark,” Leo whispered. “A supervillain.” Leo recalled the woman who identified powers mentioning Dungman… Thank goodness he'd stuffed his super suit in his backpack! He'd have to lose Ron and find a place to change, but… Wait, where IS Ron? Everybody else was fleeing the dung zone. Leo could only assume Ron had done the same. He fled towards the lavatories to change.

Dungman stood atop a popcorn stand, laughing villainously and lobbing balls of dung at the retreating crowd. He spotted a child running back to get her toy poodle and readied a particularly nutty projectile.

Something struck him on the back of the head, knocking him off his popcorn stand. “What the—?!” he howled, turning to face this bold interloper. His eyes bulged in horror. There, atop the ticket booth, black hair billowing in an imaginary breeze, hips swaying, eyes glowing, shadows slithering all over, was… “Nightshade!”

She tossed her hair and fixed her glare upon Dungman. “And just what do you think you're doing in MY city?”

“Leaving!” Dungman yelped. He jumped to his feet and turned to run, but shadows seized him by the legs and dragged him to Nightshade's face. “My apologies, miss Nightshade, I never meant to encroach! It was just a bit of fun!”

Nightshade didn't want to hear a word of it. Her shadows encased him and squeezed, eliciting a horrible scream of pain from the weaker supervillain. “When I want Antiopolis destroyed, I'll do it myself!” She had to yell to be heard over Dungman's agonized howling. She had half a mind to crush him to death, just to set an example to other supervillains. “I happen to like going to fairs, Dungman! But you just had to go and ruin my day, didn't you? You even threw turds in my lunch!” She squeezed him a bit tighter, smirking as his scream died away to a strangled wheeze. What little skin could be seen through Dungman's costume was turning purple. Dare she squeeze tighter?

John's dead purple face flashed through Nightshade's memory.

Nightshade sniffed angrily and dropped her would-be victim. He just lay there, wheezing. “If you ever show your mask in Antiopolis again…” She mimed crushing him. He coughed. She took that as a 'yes miss Nightshade'.

Something moved in the corner of her eye. Nightshade glared at a pale and shaky teenager who was hiding under a nearby table and snapping photos of her with his phone. “You!” she snapped, pointing straight at him. He squealed like a baby and dropped to fetal position. “Stop whimpering and call for an ambulance. Dungman isn't worth making an even uglier mess.” The guy gave her a jittery bow and started dialing as he ran away.

Nightshade surveyed the scene with disdain. There were nasty splatters of dung all over the place. Dungman lay wheezing on the ground, and people were still stampeding away, bunched up in thick crowds because they couldn't quite fit through the narrow paths out of the fairgrounds. Beautiful. Now she just had to find a place to become Ron again…

“Nightshade!” an angry voice bellowed from behind her.

“Argh… You again, Wailing Wonder?” She turned to face him as he fought his way out of the retreating crowd. He seemed a bit out of breath, probably from wriggling against the tide of humanity. She noted that his outfit seemed different. “No more awful yellow music-note codpiece? Your outfit has changed for the better since our last encounter.”

Wailing Wonder jogged up close, panting, sweat making his mask slide down his face. He hastily snapped it back into place. “Nightshade!” he wheezed again. “On… on behalf… of Mystic… I… challenge…”

“Oh, spare me.” Nightshade wasn't in the mood for a dramatic battle between the forces of good and evil. She raised her hand and gathered shadows in the form of a giant flyswatter, intent on smooshing the diminutive sidekick and getting it over with. Wailing Wonder froze like a deer in headlights.

“Halt, villain!” a shrill voice cried, seeming from nowhere. Nightshade paused. What now? “Whatever kind of spook you are, you're not welcome here! For the sake of love and in the pursuit of justice, we smite things like you that go bump in the night!”

With an introduction like that, the newcomer could only be… “A magical girl squad,” Nightshade whispered. There's a group of them here in Antiopolis! Ileana's gonna love this! She let her flyswatter tatter away to nothingness and waited for the artificial superheroes to face her.

From the skies above came a rain of sparkles and white ribbons. Five figures fell from this strange shower. Nightshade blocked the sun from her eyes and watched. It looked as if they were dancing naked among the ribbons as they fell. Billowing skirts and sparkly boots seemed to form around their naked bodies. One by one the magical girls landed on the ground in dynamic poses, showing so much skin beneath their frilly costumes that it was barely legal. Most of them had unnatural hair colors, about twenty pounds of makeup, and painfully oversize breasts. The girl that fell last had wavy blond hair, a few extra ribbons on her outfit, and an even bigger bust than the rest— she was clearly the leader.

“I'm Princess Sapphire Sakura Sparkle-chan!” the shrill-voiced leader cried, striking yet another dynamic pose. Nightshade glared at the leader. I recognize her. She was on the news the day Mystic caught me. I thought she was a singer.

While Nightshade thought, the show went on. “I'm Pink Sparkle-chan!” the youngest squeaked, mimicking the leader's new pose. Her blue pigtails bobbed adorably, but Nightshade only yawned and waved to the news helicopter filming from above.

“I'm Blue Sparkle-chan!” said another girl, taking another pose. Nightshade had heard enough.

“I'm Green— AAAARGH!” Nightshade flicked her away like a bug with her giant shadow hand. Green Sparkle-chan landed in a much more impressive pose than the others had, with her spine bent backwards and her feet up twitching in the air. It looked rather painful. She didn't get up.

“That's not fair!” Pink Sparkle-chan wailed. “You're supposed to let the heroes introduce themselves!” Nightshade didn't grace them with a reply. She lashed out with her shadow flyswatter, and the girls jumped away, striking more cheerleader poses the whole time. They landed in a formation spelling the word 'doom'.

Princess Sapphire Sakura Sparkle-chan pulled out some sort of magic wand with hearts and cupid wings all over it and raised it in challenge. Nightshade's eyes fixed greedily upon the 'magic' EnerCrystal wand. Is there any way I could steal it for Ileana? No… she would figure out I'm Nightshade if I stole the wand on public television. Princess's wand emitted a warm pink light as the artificial heroine cried, “You may have bested Green Sparkle-chan, but you're still outnumbered four to one!”

“Make that five,” came a voice from behind Nightshade. She cursed. She didn't have to turn around to see that the Wailing Wonder had caught his breath.

“You've really got me a bad position, ladies,” Nightshade sighed. “Yes, Wailing Wonder, I consider you a lady! I wasn't planning on killing anybody for at least another week, but it looks like I'll have to set an example for all the kids watching us live on the news.” Princess gritted her perfect teeth. The look on her makeup-streaked face was absolutely venomous. “Speaking of kids, your outfits are far from child-friendly. You flashed us all a lovely view of your naughty bits in your transformation sequence. I saw EVERYTHING. Cellulite, moles, even the Texas-shaped birthmark on your—”

“ENOUGH!” Princess Sapphire Sakura Sparkle-chan shrieked, casting her horrified gaze onto the news helicopter above. She twirled her magic wand and sparkles erupted from her glowing weapon. “Sparkling Love Lasers, go!”

Lasers? Oh snap.

Nightshade reached behind herself, seized the Wailing Wonder, and held him in the path of the forming lasers. “No, no, NO!” he shrieked. Just as Princess Sapphire Sakura Sparkle-chan fired her 'Love Laser,' Wailing Wonder covered his face and screamed.

The laser was blown to bits before it ever reached its target. The Sparkle-chans and a few dozen booths behind them were bowled over. Nightshade had to drop her nemesis and cover her throbbing ears. She gritted her vibrating teeth and waited for him to stop. She was glad to be behind him, not in the direct path of his banshee wail. I really underestimated him, Nightshade contemplated. I didn't think he could break shadows or lasers with his voice…

Wailing Wonder abruptly shut up. He peeked out with one cautious eye. “Blimey—!” he exclaimed as he beheld the wreckage before him. Nightshade unplugged her ears. Wailing Wonder turned back towards her, pale and sweating. “You did that, right? Not me?”

“It was all you,” Nightshade told him brightly. “Good job, kid. Taking down the Sparkle-chans, a laser, and the fair in one shot… Bravo! Bravo! Perhaps there's hope for you yet, you budding supervillain!” The last vestiges of color drained from Wailing Wonder's face.

“I'm not a supervillain!” he squeaked.

“Tell that to the Sparkle-chans…”

The nearest fallen booth shifted. Pink Sparkle-chan emerged, with bloodstains all over her skimpy costume. She didn't even look at Nightshade or Wailing Wonder before tearing through the fabric of the fallen tent. Green Sparkle-chan lay there, unmoving. “G-Green Sparkle-chan?” Pink coughed. No answer. Pink Sparkle-chan whipped out her magic wand and spun in a shaky circle. “Healing Kiss of Love!” A bubbly cartoon-like heart emerged from the tip of Pink Sparkle-chan 's wand. It spiraled down onto Green Sparkle-chan and touched her cheek. Green Sparkle-chan glowed pink for a moment, but when the light died down, she still didn't move. “C'mon, Green! Get up!” Pink Sparkle-chan whimpered. “Healing Kiss of Love! Healing Kiss of Love!” Nightshade watched with apprehension. Enercrystal power can heal human beings? “HEALING KISS OF LOVE!”

Nothing happened.

“Oh, no,” Wailing Wonder whispered. He looked nearly as green as Green Sparkle-chan's skirt. “She can't be… I didn't… Not again!” Nightshade watched silently. Again?

From the fabrics of another fallen booth emerged Blue Sparkle-chan on wobbly legs, one of which was twisted oddly. She drew her glowing wand and aimed it straight at Wailing Wonder. “You've shown your true colors! How dare you pretend to be a hero!” Blue coughed. There was blood on her lips. “On behalf of… of my fallen comrades, I… you…” She collapsed. Pink Sparkle-chan rushed to her side to bestow a Healing Kiss.

Wailing Wonder seemed petrified. Nightshade tapped him on the shoulder. “Hey, aren't you gonna help her?”

“I can't help anybody,” Wailing Wonder choked out. “All I can do is destroy—!” He spun on his heels and ran. Nightshade let him go.

She looked around. The screaming crowd was gone. Sirens could be heard from the edge of the fairgrounds. The news helicopter was still lurking overhead. Half the attractions at the fair had been completely decimated. Lumps of dung and a few forlorn ribbons lay strewn about the area. Pink Sparkle-chan was occupied with her attempts to heal her friends. Nightshade heaved a heavy sigh. “Well, so much for going out and having a little fun…”

Something rustled under the fallen debris. Out from the torn fabrics of a food tent emerged the Enercrystal wand of Princess Sapphire Sakura Sparkle-chan, glowing menacingly, held tightly in a clenched fist with perfectly manicured nails.

Nightshade grimaced. No! I mustn't steal the wand on public television! She left in a hurry, before she could give in to temptation.

Leo tucked his mask into his backpack and headed for the bathroom exit. On his way out, he caught his reflection in the mirror. His face was all red and blotchy from tears. At least he was the only one here to see it… He gave his face a rinse and couldn't help it but hate his own ugly reflection. “What are you cryin' about, you big baby?” he spat at it. “You should've known you weren't cut out to be a hero. You've got the wrong powers and the wrong heart. You're a fry cook and you don't deserve any better!”

Leo reached for his bag, but his hand found some odd rough surface. His mask? Leo checked again to see that the bathroom was empty before pulling out his whole costume. His throat felt all tight just looking at the blue spandex, yellow padding, and music note pins.

“Geez… How could I be so stupid?”

He stuffed his costume in the trash and left the bathroom, leaving the part of him called Wailing Wonder behind.

Somebody was talking on the other side of the wall between bathrooms; an elderly man, who sounded nearly frantic. “Nicole, please get medical attention. The paramedics are already here!”

SLAP. “You will call me Princess, Greg!” Leo stopped dead in his tracks. It was Princess Sapphire Sakura Sparkle-chan! He ducked and hid behind the wall. He didn't dare show his face in front of her.

“Y-yes, Princess,” Greg stuttered. “But you should—”

“I'll be fine. Pink's Healing Kiss does wonders.” Leo peeked up from the wall and got a good look at 'Princess' Nicole. Without her costume and makeup, she was painfully plain. Her brunette hair hung limply over her pimply face. Her lumpy sweater didn't hide the flatness of her chest. “Shet… That didn't go according to plan at all.” She lit up a cigarette and took a drag.

Greg wrung his gnarled old hands. “I'm so sorry about Green Sparkle-chan,” the old man whimpered. Leo wondered if he was Princess's grandfather. “Is there anything I can do?”

Princess blew her smoke in Greg's face, making him cough. “Yeah, there is. You can find me a new Green Sparkle-chan to replace Lisa.” Leo curled up in a horrified ball. Doesn't she care about her teammates at all?!

“In the meantime,” Princess continued, “You can double the prices on all Green Sparkle-chan merchandise. Lisa was a weak teammate, but the fans loved her…” She blew more smoke in Greg's face. “I want you to squeeze every last credit out of her bereaved fans! That should cover Dungman's bail and hospital bill, right? We'll have our little act back up in a month!”

Act? Leo had to bite his lip hard and strain himself to avoid screaming. She calls that an act?! She hired supervillains to lose against the Sparkle-chans. She risked lives for profit, and she was going to make bundles off her murdered teammate. It was all clear to Leo now. Despite the pretty ribbons and glitter, despite the speeches about love and justice, Princess Sapphire Sakura Sparkle-chan was a supervillain. It was a particularly offensive kind of villainy, pretending to be a hero… And false heroes are the hardest kind of villain to beat.

“Nicole!” cried out another voice from down the row of collapsed booths. Leo flattened himself against the wall and prayed for invisibility as Pink, Blue and Yellow Sparkle-chan jogged up. The old man vanished in a hurry. That's odd, Leo observed.

“Did you find him?” Princess demanded.

“No. We're really sorry,” Yellow said anxiously.

“Hmm.” Princess took one last puff from her cigarette and put it out. “Well, if you ever see that Wailing Wonder prick again, give him a reason to scream.” Chills ran down Leo's spine.

“I just…” It was Blue Sparkle-chan speaking. “I, I… I can't believe Lisa's gone!” She burst into tears. Leo frowned. At least Blue Sparkle-chan cares about the loss of a teammate… The others gave her hugs and pats on the back, whispering words of encouragement. That didn't seem like supervillain behavior… Do they even know their leader stages their fights?

Leo quietly slipped back into the men's bathroom. He wasn't sure if the Sparkle-chans would recognize him without his mask, but he wasn't about to take that chance.

His mask…

Leo fished his grubby costume out of the trash. He couldn't help it but smile at the blue spandex, yellow padding, and music note pins.

“Geez… How could I be so stupid?”

He stuffed the costume back into his bag. Wailing Wonder wasn't giving up yet. I have to expose Princess's wicked deeds and throw Nightshade in jail. Then, and only then, I can ditch this ugly uniform.

“Leonardo is home,” the door sang. In her sparsely decorated room, Ron dropped her new textbooks and ran out to see him.

“There you are!” Ron exclaimed. “You had me worried sick! I thought you got trampled when everybody stampeded away from those supervillains!” For a brief moment, she wanted to hug him until he turned purple, but she refrained.

Leo smiled weakly at her. “Maybe I was trampled, a little bit. But I'm back now.” He tossed his bag on the floor and kicked off his shoes. “I smiled and laughed a bit today, so you'll have to let me go to work tomorrow. No more using a disruptor on the clocks and doors.”

“Yeah, yeah…” Ron fished through her pockets and handed Leo the bag of compressed prizes. “We should hang onto this bag. You never know when you'll have to smuggle a corpse off the planet.” Leo smiled awkwardly at her. She's right. You never know… He carried his stuff to his room, then took the bag of prizes into his sister's room. “So, those were all for Valerie?” Ron queried.

“Pretty much,” Leo sighed. “I wanna hang onto the purple gorilla, though. I kinda like this guy.” He emptied the toys onto his sister's dusty old bed and pulled out his gorilla. Ron stared at it enviously. It had been so long since she had something to hug, and she'd left her glass animals behind.

“Um… Leo, since you got so many, can I have a couple?”

Leo squeezed his gorilla. “After the way you kidnapped me, you want me to give up the fruits of my labor? Heck no! I practically had to fight off villains to get these toys! They're for Valerie, end of story.”

“C'mon,” Ron begged. “Just one?”

“I'll think about it,” Leo said with a smirk. For a moment, he looked like John when he was in a good mood.

John? Ron fell against the wall. She'd almost managed to forget him, almost, almost, but his memories came crashing back in a painful wave. Leo shook his head and wandered back into his room, muttering about clingy girls and their toys. Ron tried to clear her mind of John, but it wasn't working. He never would've gone with me to the fair. He never even let me leave the house if he could help it. Ron scampered into her room. Clear the mind, clear the mind…

The bedroom was so empty. Just a bed, a suitcase, her shoes on the floor, and her textbooks left open on the bed. Ron missed her glass animals. Of course, last time she saw them, they were being thrown at her face by John. Ron fell onto the bed and buried her face in the blankets. He didn't have to die. He shouldn't have found out the truth. He might not have, if the cops hadn't shown up. And the cops never would've come if Ranvir Radovan, that accursed Mystic, hadn't interfered…

Ranvir stroked his goatee and stared thoughtfully at the wall. Which photos would look best above the bookshelf? The ones with him and Leo at the fair, or the ones of them vacationing at Pluto Park? Maybe he should just hang a painting instead, or that poster of Ghandi?

“Ring, ring, ring! Phone call, phone call!” the house terminal sang. Ranvir nearly jumped out of his skin. He wasn't used to the new house; the terminal had a different voice than the house back in Antiopolis. “Ring, ring, ring! Phone call, phone call!” Ranvir sighed. Leo was the only person who could possibly be calling him now, and he didn't really wish to speak to Leo after their earlier conversation. Maybe he wants to apologize…

“Accept the call,” Ranvir commanded the house terminal. Hopefully Leo's regular phone was working again, so there might be some visual this time, not just audio…

The video panel flashed static for a moment, then a face came into view.

It wasn't Leo.

“Nightshade?!” Ranvir dropped his box of photos. Not only was his nemesis calling him, but she looked absolutely awful, as if she'd been crying and punching herself in the face. Her narrow black eyes were glaring at him as if she were trying to melt holes in him through the power of sheer malice.

“Hi, Ranvir,” Ron snarled. “How's life treating you? Suffered any karmic retribution for all the pain you've caused?”

Ranvir definitely wasn't in the mood to talk to her. “Listen, Nightshade. I've left Antiopolis. I've left Earth. I left Mystic and even my sidekick behind. I'm in hiding here. I'm ruined. Isn't that good enough for you?”

“John is dead.”

“John is— what?” Ranvir ran through his memory. He knew a lot of Johns. “Which John?”

“My boyfriend!” Ron snapped. “You know, the one that kicked me out! He's dead and it's all your fault!” Her voice suddenly broke and she dissolved into tears. “You just had to tell the cops where I lived! What did you think would happen? They stomped into the apartment looking for a supervillain, but they only found John!” She hiccuped loudly.

Ranvir kept his mouth firmly shut.

“Noticed anything, Ranvir? Noticed how there aren't any paparazzi or news reporters banging on your door? I kept your identity secret! I kept it secret even though you stabbed me in the back!” She reached down with trembling hands and pulled out a huge bottle of cheap nihonshu sake, took a big gulp of it, and choked on her angry tears. Ranvir still remained silent. “I hope you feel awful, Mr. Radovan, because I sure do…” Hiccup. “Don't you have anything to say for yourself?!”

“I didn't call the cops.” Ron glowered in disbelief. “I told my sidekick where you lived, but he informed me that somebody else got there first. Whoever told the cops where you lived, it was not I.”

“But… but… Nobody else knew!” Ron protested.

“My sidekick also informed me that the area was surrounded by police tape. Was it the cops that killed John, or was it… a supervillain?” Ranvir asked quietly.

“I loved John!” Ron declared. “I loved him, damn it, even if he didn't love me! If only he hadn't bashed my head on the table, I never would've lost control and… and…” Sob. Hiccup.

“So, you killed him in self defense?” Ranvir asked calmly.

“I didn't mean to do it,” Ron gushed. “I never meant to kill him, I never meant to kill anybody! But these damned—powers—!” She buried her face in her hands and wept. “Why couldn't I be born a normal person? I never wanted to be a supervillain, but these bad things keep happening to me! Nobody was there to save me when I needed it, nobody was there to save John! I hate you superhero types! All of you! Why didn't anyone come and save me…?” Sob. Ron took another gulp of sake. She couldn't look up into Ranvir's face through the phone. “I loved John, you know. I never wanted to kill anybody. I just wish that meant I was innocent…”

“No one is innocent,” Ranvir informed her. “I don't condone your actions, though.”

Ron looked up from her bottle. “Wailing Wonder isn't innocent, either.”

Ranvir frowned. “What makes you say that?”

“He killed a magical girl today. Green Sparkle-chan. I was there.” Ranvir's already grim expression got darker. “Yeah, you heard me. He's a murderer, just like me.”

Ranvir stroked his goatee and turned back to his box of photos. Just barely within his line of sight was a picture of Leo with a bright smile on his face, dangling off Ranvir's shoulder, dressed in a Plutonian toga. “What happened?” Ranvir whispered.

“Princess Sapphire Sakura Sparkle-chan fired a laser at me, so I used your sidekick as a shield,” Ron recalled. She dried her tears on her sleeve. “He screamed like a little girl with her leg being sawed off, and that made all the fair booths fall on the Sparkle-chan girls. It was an accident, but still, he killed Green Sparkle-chan. Then he ran away crying. I thought he was gonna hurl.” Hiccup. “Don't be mad at him. Just tell him to stay away from me so he won't get used as a shield again. He makes a damn destructive shield.”

Ranvir's head began to hurt. Leo killed a magical girl… He'd have to call Leo later, after he'd finished dealing with Nightshade, and after he calmed down. “Where are you calling from, Nightshade?”

“A phone booth far away from my new home,” she growled. “I'm not dumb enough to call from home! You'd learn my address again!”

Ranvir smiled, but he was cursing inside. “I'm just trying to hold a friendly conversation with you,” he said apologetically. “Speaking of the Wailing Wonder, I've heard that you met him several times, and that you keep letting him go instead of finishing him off. Not that I'm ungrateful, but may I ask why you spare him?”

“I told you, Ranvir, I don't like killing people!” Ron hissed. “And even though Wailing Wonder's really obnoxious, I don't want him dead! You tell him I said that. Tell him he should back off and leave me alone, cause I don't wanna kill him! He won't listen to me.”

Ranvir sighed and poured himself a drink of water. “I'll tell him you said that, if he's willing to talk to me at all. It sounds like he's been having a hard time, and if what you said is true, he's probably not in the mood to talk.” He added a few ice cubes and a splash of lemon to his drink and took a sip. Something about this struck him as funny. Getting a glass of water while talking to his distraught nemesis? “Ah, Nightshade… One of the most dangerous supervillains in modern America, with at least ten murders to her name. And yet, like any other schmuck, she gets drunk and calls somebody to cry on their shoulder…”

“I'm no schmuck,” Ron pouted, taking a gulp of sake.

“Did you really call me just to vent about your awful life? We're enemies.”

Ron groaned and clung to her bottle of sake like the survivor of a shipwreck clinging to a raft. “I had to talk to somebody. You're the only one who knows about me being Nightshade, so I couldn't call anybody else. And you were so nice and polite to me, even knowing I was a supervillain…” She swayed where she stood.

Ranvir sucked an ice cube pensively. “You're being very irrational about all this,” he informed her. “You should've trained yourself to control your powers as soon as you discovered them.”

Ron laughed bitterly. “Oh, no, that wasn't possible. I killed my parents when I was two weeks old. I don't even remember why!” She fell against the wall of the phone booth. Ranvir frowned to himself. If there was anything he hated, it was lack of control, and Nightshade clearly had none.

“It sounds like you've always been a danger to yourself and those around you.”

Ron sniffed. Ranvir couldn't see her face; it was obscured by her tangled black hair. “That's not true. I tried to hang myself once, you see, but the shadows wouldn't let me. Sometimes I think they're alive.”

“Again, you're being irrational,” Ranvir chided. “If you really can't control your powers, and you don't want to hurt people, you should turn yourself in. The authorities can make sure you never hurt anyone ever again.”

“They'd execute me,” Ron whispered. “I— I don't really want to die. I know I deserve it, but… bleurgh…” She slid down the wall and out of Ranvir's sight. He tried to ignore the sound of the vomiting supervillain on the other end of the line.

“Nightshade?” Ranvir set down his glass. She replied by gagging again. Ranvir was glad he couldn't see it. “Get yourself a taxi. Go to the cops or go home, but don't try to drive. You've had too much sake.”

Cough, sniff, gag, hiccup. “What? Didn't catch that,” Ron slurred.

“Tell me where you are and I'll get a ride for you.”

“You'd call the cops,” Ron mumbled.

“No… I'd call my sidekick. I was planning on it anyway.”

“Screw you, I'll walk. End transmission.” The video and audio abruptly ended. Ranvir was left staring at an empty black screen.

He went back to drinking his water, but he had a lot on his mind now. He found it hard to believe that Nightshade had called him for emotional support. Supervillains just don't do that. But then, Ranvir had never tried to hold a civil conversation with a supervillain before. He found himself doubting if 'supervillain' was even the right word for Nightshade. Murderer, yes. Thief and generally frightening person, yes. But Supervillains were those who chose to abuse their powers, and unless Nightshade was a very good actor, she didn't have that choice.

As for Leo killing a magical girl…

The glass shattered in Ranvir's hand. He hadn't realized just how tightly he'd been holding it, but now there was glass in his fist and all over the floor. “Please hold still,” the house terminal chirped before sending out a vacuum for the glass shards. Ranvir plucked the larger glass bits out of his hand. I really need to calm down.

“Television, power on. Channel 8343.” It was the news station for Antiopolis.

“— Double dueling at the fairgrounds today!” the news anchor announced. Photos of the incident were showing in the background. “Fairgoers were running for cover around 4 PM today when three separate supervillains went on rampage! Eyewitnesses say there were two attacks in different areas of the fairgrounds, apparently unrelated.”

“That's right, Cassie,” the male anchor said brightly. “And what a dramatic series of events! The first supervillain, Dungman, was confronted by the notorious Nightshade. After a brief skirmish, Dungman was injured and subdued. He is currently being hospitalized. Doctors say his injuries are minor, and that he'll be fit to stand trial by tomorrow. Following that, an unidentified superhero and the Sparkle-chan girls stepped up to stop Nightshade.” Blurry photos of the Wailing Wonder and some censored half-naked girls appeared on screen.

The female anchor, Cassie, took over the story once more. “Their valiant efforts ended in tragedy. Green Sparkle-chan was killed in the crossfire, Nightshade escaped justice once more, and the unidentified superhero vanished without a trace. To view footage filmed at the scene, visit 8343news.com.” Ranvir watched the vacuum suck up the last of the broken glass. “At the same time, another clash of powers happened on the other side of the fairgrounds! Chemistar and Man o' Wargs—”

“Television, power off,” Ranvir commanded. The screen went dark.

Okay, at least they referred to the Wailing Wonder as an unidentified superhero, not an unidentified villain. That was always a good sign. Ranvir resolved to call Leo tomorrow, first thing in the morning, so he'd have some time to calm down.

In the meantime…

Ranvir pulled out his photos of him and Leo at Pluto Park and hung them over the bookshelf. “And now, my wall is complete,” he announced to himself in satisfaction.