Funny Quotes
This be a collection of the silly quotes posted on the main page along with every update. Feel free to steal em!
| 11/11/09 | It is raining. Do you: A) Stay home and sulk, B) Build an ark, or C) Build a weather control machine? |
|---|---|
| 07.29.09 | My shorts are too slippery for your bed. They keep falling off. |
| 07.08.09 | Adventure: JUST DO IT. |
| 05.08.09 | Everyone said a black man would be president when pigs fly. Obama got elected, then swine flu. |
| 04.29.09 | I like traffic lights. |
| 04.22.09 | This reminds me of a French condom commercial... |
| 04.15.09 | Why does this coffee taste like anthrax? |
| 04.08.09 | < Insert funny quote here > |
| 04.01.09 | You shouldn't burn it just because it EXISTS... you should burn it because it exists better than you do. |
| 03.25.09 | If I drool on it, it's mine. |
| 03.18.09 | Reindeer really exist?! |
| 03.11.09 | LOLOLOL jk i r funny nao haha |
| 03.04.09 | Brush you teeth. |
| 02.25.09 | Oh, I get it, it's a NARWHAL! |
| 02.18.09 | Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway. |
| 02.11.09 | The sky offers free showers. |
| 02.04.09 | Just because it's invisible doesn't mean it isn't lying in wait to steal your lunch money. |
| 1.28.09 | Can you hold my banana while I take off my shirt? |
| 1.21.09 | In the darkest of nights, even the smallest candle can light your way. |
| 01.14.09 | Stop putting your foot in your mouth. It isn't mint flavored. |
| 12.31.08 | What's the chicken made of? |
| 12.24.08 | The world is my limpet! BWAHAHAHA! |
| 12.17.08 | OMG it's biting my EYES! |
| 12.10.08 | There are far worse ways to lose your manhood. |
| 12.03.08 | Man, that cowboy is old. |
| 11.26.08 | You were always a lousy assassin. |
| 11.12.08 | Afflictions and sediments to you! |
| 11.05.08 | When I am president, every Tuesday will be funny hat day and, for security reasons, all student uniforms will be made from transparent plastic. |
| 10.29.08 | I hail from the land of burritos. Surrender your curry! |
| 10.22.08 | I am a menace to teapots everywhere. |
| 10.15.08 | If you are stolen, call the police at once. |
| 10.08.08 | I thought I heard her purring, but it was just the storm outside... |
| 10.01.08 | If you are stolen, call the police at once. |
| 09.24.08 | I just rear-ended a dragon... Call an ambulance for me, okay? |
| 09.17.08 | The interwebs have spiders?! |
| 09.10.08 | Poop: We can all identify with it. |
| 09.03.08 | As an alien fan, I can assure you that your aluminum helmet is not going to do you any good. |
| 08.27.08 | Cure it with fire! |
| 08.20.08 | If the U.S calls french fries "freedom fries", do they call french kissing "freedom kissing?" |
| 07.30.08 | Tits Hard To Think When The Weather’s Nipply. |
| 07.05.08 | He swims like a brick... of pumice! |
| 06.21.08 | But then he died of asphyxiation... The end! |
| 06.06.08 | The hungry earth will be fed the blood of the innocent... Oh wait, what? Did you say something, professor? |
| 06.01.08 | So you're not a descendant of a hero, or level 1,000,000, or a user of some mysterious assassin punch of the North star, or the owner of a gigantic missile? And you think you can defeat the ant queen?! |
| 05.30.08 | Pirates: because ARR is the best letter of the alphabet! |
| 05.14.08 | Admit it, it's funny! Like a porn star named Humphrey. |
| 05.02.08 | Give a man a fire, and he'll be warm for the night. Set a man on fire and he'll be warm for the rest of his life. |
| 03.21.08 | I found a screwdriver in my other pants pocket. That's funny, I don't think there's anything in my other pants that can be screwed. |
| 03.09.08 | Never try to sing in tune with bagpipes. |
| 02.10.08 | My love is like a swamp- stagnant and odiferous? |
| 01.21.08 | Go eat your teeth and brush your dinner! |
| 01.19.08 | Imploding appeals to me. |
| 10.26.07 | Deck the hells with boughts of posie... |
| 10.16.07 | Manga sauce? |
| 10.10.07 | I hunger for USB sashimi. |
| 09.15.07 | Blankity blank blank blankity blank. |
| 09.13.07 | So Irish, you can smell the clovers. |
| 09.11.07 | No, you are NOT a slut! Go forth and battle the forces of darkness, son! |
| 09.05.07 | I am not trying to seduce you. |
| 08.22.07 | All we wanna do is eat your brains... |
| 08.07.07 | Don't make me pet your beaver. |
| 08.02.07 | Summon the GIANT ROBOTS! |
| 07.31.07 | Come and get your TWIiIiIiISTY NOODLES! |
| 07.16.06 | She passes hir time in daliance. |
| 07.07.07 | Let's be literate, plzkthx. |
| 07.05.07 | Come enjoy the all-new Psychian Bloodbaths. Now including Severed-limb soap! |
| 07.03.07 | Low caffeine. Twitter twitter moo! |
| 06.08.07 | NAKED WRATH! |
| 05.27.07 | It looks like an ordinary puppy... because it IS an ordinary puppy! |
| 05.08.07 | Please hand the rest of your money to the nearest vender. |
| 04.28.07 | DEAD serious! |
| 04.24.07 | She's not dead. She's just stupid! |
| 04.14.07 | Idigi lodogove Adagaledegex! |
| 02.21.07 | You know you're the president when a chain letter really CAN kill you. |
| 01.30.07 | As God is my lunchmeat, I will never be hungry again! |
| 01.26.07 | Nothing like the sweet smell of burning corpses in the morning. |
| 01.11.07 | Ninkmoof! |
| 12.12.06 | This has nothing to do with jelly. |
| 12.04.06 | Kiwi-chan Studios: Proudly adding chlorine to the gene pool since two days ago! |
| 10.29.06 | Many billions of years ago, God created the universe. He's still trying to fix his mistake. |
| 09.17.06 | Only total mental bedlam can result from a prolonged exposure to this website. |
| 09.14.06 | Aunt Milly's here! Enable home security system and evacuate! |
| 09.07.06 | You only say I'm a heretic 'cause you're offended by the TRUTH! |
| 08.14.06 | Would you like some fries with your doom? |
| 05.12.06 | This looks like a job for... the ANTICHRIST! |
| 04.12.06 | It's like picking a lock with a salmon. |
| 04.06.06 | English ain't got enough verbalization to describe my flummoxedness. |
| 03.03.06 | Bibliosaurus EAT kama Sutra! |
| 02.16.06 | Did Zielder and a toilet plunger just make me wish I were a man? |
| 02.04.06 | Finally, my dreams have come true! I AM BUTTERED TOAST! |
| 12.22.05 | My only regret is that I will eventually run out of people to kill and objects to burn. |
| 12.20.05 | Surgeon General's Warning: Viewing this website will raise your chances of being eaten alive by Jedi Knights by at least 1023%. |
| 11.12.05 | My homework ate my dog. |
| 11.07.05 | Legions of half-naked undead women... Sounds like my kind of religion. |
| 09.04.05 | Mom said I could do anything I wanted, so I became a lesbian. |
| 08.24.05 | THIS NIGHT SHALL LAST FOR ALL ETERNITY! We're gonna need a lot of coffee. |
| 08.07.05 | My mystical balls have the power of 1,000 moons! |
| 06.20.05 | Don't worry, the intelligence of the bacteria in your large intestine will make up for the brain cells I'm about to kill. |
| 04.28.05 | The gates of Hades swing wide, and from the abyss comes Asparagus! |
| 03.15.05 | Bacon is not supposed to have sexual appeal! |
| 01.24.05 | A watched cauldron never explodes. |
| 11.19.04 | Oh my freaking turtle on a pogo stick! Pants! WE NEED PANTS! |
| 11.10.04 | The classic male body is like a car tire. Ugly, tough, and fun to chew on. |
| 10.10.04 | All the grace and sex appeal of a hippopotamus in labor... |
| 07.04.04 | I will never look at a brontosaurus the same way again. |
| 01.27.04 | Tell your fishtank to stop talking to me! |
| 01.11.04 | Ever been stalked by a rabid cucumber? Nah, me neither. |
| 11.29.03 | Trifle not with a posessed lawnmower. |
| 11.25.03 | I pledge allegiance to the sodie... |
© Kiwi-chan 2009
